What is a blesser?
Someone who gives you money or buys you gifts in return for sexual or other favours is referred to as a “blesser” “sugar daddy” or “sugar mummy”. This person can be someone who is the same age as you but has access to more money or a fancy car. It can also be someone who is older. They often give you these gifts, money, take you to fancy places and expect sexual favours in return.
The gifts can be cash, clothing, handbags, rent, airtime or cellphone contracts, groceries, or trips.
If you feel like you ‘owe’ someone sex or need to ‘thank’ them by having sex with them, it means they are taking advantage of you and you need to relook at the relationship and decide whether this is what you want.
Gifts and money in a relationship
There’s nothing wrong with your partner taking you to nice places, buying you nice things, or supporting you financially. But it’s not okay when they pressure you to have sex with them because they are giving you things.
Leaving a blesser
It can be difficult to leave a relationship with a blesser because they may be helping you financially with school or at home, but no one should make you do what you don’t want to. If you need help, you can call or send a Please Call Me to loveLife to get non-judgmental and anonymous advice or counselling for free.
What the law says
If you are in a relationship with someone much older or younger, remember that it could be against the law. In South Africa, if you are under the age of 16 it is illegal to date anyone over the age of 18.
Find out about consent (which is very important!) in this article.
Sex when you’re dating can be fun and can make you feel closer to your partner, but sex can be violent. Find out more here.